Decorum Forum: Etiquette for Second Life

Words by Captain Paul Creighton

DEAR CAPTAIN:  My partner, Aine, complained to me that we were attending a party twenty minutes late.  A few months later, she complained that I was rushing her to be on time to a party held in her honor.  She explained to me that she was just trying to be courteous both times.  How can being late be courteous when she claims that being on time is correct?    -PUNCTUALLY CHALLENGED

DEAR PUNC: Aine is a wise woman.  When you are giving a party or simply attending one, you should arrive between ten minutes early and fifteen minutes late.  Yes, sometimes, that's just not possible and if you simply must arrive outside of that window you should send a private message to your host or hostess upon arrival, expressing your apologies.  The message need include any details beyond simply stating that is was personal, family, traffic, or work.  Getting dressed for an event should never make one late, as the outfit should have been selected and finalized the evening prior to a daytime event and by mid-afternoon for an evening event.

            Aine was also correct in wanting to arrive “fashionably late” for a party held in her honor.  When there is a celebrated person at an event, this person should allow time for the other guests to arrive.  Then they will all be present for the arrival of the guest of honor.  So, knowing that guests should be arriving no later than fifteen minutes after the start time for the party, Aine was correct if she was waiting to arrive around twenty minutes “late.”

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DEAR CAPTAIN: I play a doctor in a Second Life.  Should I demand that people address me as “Doctor?”  -DOCTOR DIGITAL

DEAR DOCTOR: “I'm not really a doctor, I just play one in Second Life.”  This is a topic that I hear rather often from people all over the grid.  My response is the same for all titles and names in Second Life, not just for doctors.  It's simple, demand nothing, but suggest the way you wish to be addressed.

            There are a number of ways to suggest this.  The best is the display name feature.  Put your title in your display name.  The second best is to insert your title into a group tag.  Down the list you also have the option to use a  flip titler, which will put hover text over your avatar.  People can get rather creative with these and include all sorts of colors and other text effects.  Finally you can place something in your profile that indicates how you wish to be addressed.

            Should someone address you in a manner which you don't find appropriate, simply send a private message to the individual indicating your preference in a gentle way: “I prefer to be addressed with my title, 'Captain,' 'Captain Creighton,' or even 'Captain Paul.'  Thanks.”  If you preference is ignored by the same person during that event, it's best to simply overlook it.  If if occurs at another event, another gentle reminder in private is in order.  It's bad form to address this in local chat.

            If you change the way you prefer to be addressed, you may wish to mention that in local chat when you arrive, just to bring it to everyone's attention and because it is usually accompanied by some other news that will most certainly be a topic for some elaboration: such as a change in partnership status, a promotion, a graduation, and the like.

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CONFIDENTIAL TO SHERI IN CHICAGO:  The purple suit will make him look like your pimp.