Words by Captain Paul Creighton
DEAR CAPTAIN: My partner, Rodrigo, went ahead to a dance when I could not be in-world for the start of the dance. Then Rodrigo refused to directly teleport me, insisting that I use the landmark he gave me. I was furious and refused to go to the dance with him. Should I have just used the landmark or should Rodrigo have directly teleported me to the dance as I requested? -CONFUSED IN CALEDON
DEAR CON: Your partner is quite correct. It is bad form to teleport into the middle of an event. It is not just a problem with verisimilitude, which itself should not be discounted. A good event host or hostess will place the landmark for the event outside of the actual gathering place. This allows avatars to arrive and fully rez their surroundings before being thrust into the event. It also allows the user to check their avatar's appearance before actually arriving at the event itself. We have all experienced a problem with teleport where things don't properly rez on our avatars. A more distant landing point also allows the host or hostess to control your arrival experience. He or she may want you to see certain things on your way into the event or to trigger certain scripts like givers and script counters. Bypassing these things gives your host or hostess the clear message that you do not care about his or her intent.
Even if an event was not occurring at the time, it is not a good idea to directly teleport into a gathering place or entertainment venue. Doing so means that if you crash shortly after the teleport, and attempt to log back into your previous location, you may end up teleporting onto the head of someone else who has moved into that position while you were gone. It also means that your teleport history is a lot less useful, since you can't be sure which locations would allow you to arrive properly and respectfully. An empty venue now could be a crowded venue in the future, or even a private event.
The proper way to arrive at a location is to use the landmark provided, if you are given one. As soon as you are able, step away from the landing point to allow it to be clear for others. Then give yourself a minute or two to rez things. If doors and buildings haven't rezzed for you, then signs regarding behavior and dress code haven't rezzed for you either. While you are waiting, you can check your avatar's appearance, make sure the stream is working properly, and read any notecards that are passed to you by hosts, hostesses, or givers. Once all that is squared away, you can enter the event confident that you are a respectful guest.
It's a shame that you missed the dance with Rodrigo, but he saved you from potential embarrassment.
DEAR CAPTAIN: My future partner and I want to wear morning dress to our partnering ceremony but it will be held in the evening, 7pm SLT. We're afraid that morning dress is inappropriate that late in the day. We each live in different time zones: SLT and SLT+3. Does that matter? What effect does it have on the guests to request or require morning dress? What should we do? -IMPROPERLY DRESSED
DEAR IMP: You are quite correct in your suspicion that morning dress would be improper for a social event held at 7pm. The cut off for morning dress as opposed to evening dress will have passed by that time. It is generally considered appropriate to wear morning dress to events that start as late as 5pm. There is some latitude from events that begin at 6pm but by 7pm there is wide agreement that evening dress is appropriate.
The thing about Second Life is that we are not bound by a single clock. If you wish to host a “daytime” social event, you may do so at any hour of the day, provided you have made it clear in your invitation. As host, you have the choice as to the time your event will be held but that need not be the same at the apparent time of the event. You can designate your event as taking place during daylight or evening hours by indicating the style of dress. If you have estate manager rights or can request certain changes, you can even change the region's day cycle so that it coincides with your wishes. Even if you can't do that, you can always suggest that guests set their viewers to a particular sun setting.
You will recall that the rules of etiquette are designed to make everyone feel comfortable. As host, it is your job to be clear about the tone of the event and the style of dress that you expect. The guests need only follow your lead. Part of being clear in your invitation is your choice of wording. I don't like to use the word “request” on an invitation with regard to dress. It's too easily confused with “required” as it shares many of the same letters at the beginning. If you “suggest” a style of dress, then your guests know what your wishes are and if they can comply, they will. If they can't comply, they know that they are still welcome to attend. Feel free to state that a certain style of dress is “required” only if you are willing to ask a guest to change or leave if they don't arrive properly dressed. In my book, those are your only two options: suggest and require. There are other schools of thought which include “request” and “preferred.” I don't think those words are accurate. If someone shows up not dressed in the “requested” style of clothing, have they “refused your request?” Likewise, if your “preferred” style is not worn by a guest, are they wearing a style that is not well liked? “Suggesting” a style is exactly what you are doing and is more clear. As a guest, one should respect the suggestions of the host if at all possible. Showing up in a style of dress that is not suggested while one already owns or can easily afford the style suggested tells the host in no uncertain terms that his or her vision for the event has no importance. Meanwhile, if one does not own the suggested style and cannot easily afford it, coming as close as possible to the suggestion shows a guests desire to fulfill the vision of the host as well as the desire to be a part of the event.
Go ahead and plan your ceremony as you wish. Just be sure to let everyone know ahead of time that you are suggesting or requiring morning dress.
DEAR CON: Your partner is quite correct. It is bad form to teleport into the middle of an event. It is not just a problem with verisimilitude, which itself should not be discounted. A good event host or hostess will place the landmark for the event outside of the actual gathering place. This allows avatars to arrive and fully rez their surroundings before being thrust into the event. It also allows the user to check their avatar's appearance before actually arriving at the event itself. We have all experienced a problem with teleport where things don't properly rez on our avatars. A more distant landing point also allows the host or hostess to control your arrival experience. He or she may want you to see certain things on your way into the event or to trigger certain scripts like givers and script counters. Bypassing these things gives your host or hostess the clear message that you do not care about his or her intent.
Even if an event was not occurring at the time, it is not a good idea to directly teleport into a gathering place or entertainment venue. Doing so means that if you crash shortly after the teleport, and attempt to log back into your previous location, you may end up teleporting onto the head of someone else who has moved into that position while you were gone. It also means that your teleport history is a lot less useful, since you can't be sure which locations would allow you to arrive properly and respectfully. An empty venue now could be a crowded venue in the future, or even a private event.
The proper way to arrive at a location is to use the landmark provided, if you are given one. As soon as you are able, step away from the landing point to allow it to be clear for others. Then give yourself a minute or two to rez things. If doors and buildings haven't rezzed for you, then signs regarding behavior and dress code haven't rezzed for you either. While you are waiting, you can check your avatar's appearance, make sure the stream is working properly, and read any notecards that are passed to you by hosts, hostesses, or givers. Once all that is squared away, you can enter the event confident that you are a respectful guest.
It's a shame that you missed the dance with Rodrigo, but he saved you from potential embarrassment.
***
DEAR CAPTAIN: My future partner and I want to wear morning dress to our partnering ceremony but it will be held in the evening, 7pm SLT. We're afraid that morning dress is inappropriate that late in the day. We each live in different time zones: SLT and SLT+3. Does that matter? What effect does it have on the guests to request or require morning dress? What should we do? -IMPROPERLY DRESSED
DEAR IMP: You are quite correct in your suspicion that morning dress would be improper for a social event held at 7pm. The cut off for morning dress as opposed to evening dress will have passed by that time. It is generally considered appropriate to wear morning dress to events that start as late as 5pm. There is some latitude from events that begin at 6pm but by 7pm there is wide agreement that evening dress is appropriate.
The thing about Second Life is that we are not bound by a single clock. If you wish to host a “daytime” social event, you may do so at any hour of the day, provided you have made it clear in your invitation. As host, you have the choice as to the time your event will be held but that need not be the same at the apparent time of the event. You can designate your event as taking place during daylight or evening hours by indicating the style of dress. If you have estate manager rights or can request certain changes, you can even change the region's day cycle so that it coincides with your wishes. Even if you can't do that, you can always suggest that guests set their viewers to a particular sun setting.
You will recall that the rules of etiquette are designed to make everyone feel comfortable. As host, it is your job to be clear about the tone of the event and the style of dress that you expect. The guests need only follow your lead. Part of being clear in your invitation is your choice of wording. I don't like to use the word “request” on an invitation with regard to dress. It's too easily confused with “required” as it shares many of the same letters at the beginning. If you “suggest” a style of dress, then your guests know what your wishes are and if they can comply, they will. If they can't comply, they know that they are still welcome to attend. Feel free to state that a certain style of dress is “required” only if you are willing to ask a guest to change or leave if they don't arrive properly dressed. In my book, those are your only two options: suggest and require. There are other schools of thought which include “request” and “preferred.” I don't think those words are accurate. If someone shows up not dressed in the “requested” style of clothing, have they “refused your request?” Likewise, if your “preferred” style is not worn by a guest, are they wearing a style that is not well liked? “Suggesting” a style is exactly what you are doing and is more clear. As a guest, one should respect the suggestions of the host if at all possible. Showing up in a style of dress that is not suggested while one already owns or can easily afford the style suggested tells the host in no uncertain terms that his or her vision for the event has no importance. Meanwhile, if one does not own the suggested style and cannot easily afford it, coming as close as possible to the suggestion shows a guests desire to fulfill the vision of the host as well as the desire to be a part of the event.
Go ahead and plan your ceremony as you wish. Just be sure to let everyone know ahead of time that you are suggesting or requiring morning dress.
***
CONFIDENTIAL TO SORRY IN SERAPH: After you have offered your apology, it is up to the other person to accept it or not. If you are certain the person has received your apology, there is no need to check back or repeat the apology. Give the other person time to think about the what has transpired as well as time to consider your explanation of the events and your desire to make it up to them.
***
Note of the Editor:
Dear Reader, if you have a problem, you can always "Ask the Captain”, we promise to keep your identity and anyone else mentioned in the letter completely anonymous.
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